Get to know your inner child

This Post was written by Priya Sombhatta (currently completing the Bachelor of Health Science (Psychology and Forensic Psychology)

Have you heard of the phrase – the child within us? This simple phrase has a deeper meaning to it – it refers to one's child-like nature. This inner child keeps a memory of both traumatic and positive experiences. This memory from the initial years of life is linked to subconsciousness, influencing lifestyle, major life decisions, and even one’s personality.  Any neglect or hard criticism in the younger years often manifests into anxiety, fear, and, most commonly, attachment issues. One way of understanding a wounded inner child is to identify and work on the signs to develop healthier emotional habits.

Signs of a wounded ‘Inner Child’

-          Unhealthy coping mechanisms

-          Self-sabotaging behaviours like being overly self-critical, perfection

-          Lack of self-love or self-esteem

-          Overly trusting people

-          Fear of rejection, abandonment or embarrassment

-          Relationship issues like attachment issues

Seeing signs like the above is a way of indicating that our inner child is wounded and hurting. As mentioned above, the first step would be identifying the signs of a wounded inner child, and once identified and acknowledged, it makes it easier for one to start working on them one by one.

Recover and Revive

Identifying the signs of an inner child is a great start to healing; however, it is also important to identify the triggers – identify when and how your wounded inner child is speaking. Speak to your inner child kindly and compassionately and recollect the memory that comes up related to the trigger. One good way to reconnect with that inner child is to watch your childhood videos or photos. Kind words can go a long way in helping people see themselves in a better light. Affirmations can help in rewiring the brain and hence reducing those overly self-critical patterns.

There are other ways to reconnect and heal your inner child, and one of them is writing letters to your past self. Talk to them the way you want to be talked. Depending on the situation, choose your perspective – write a letter as a child and express your feelings the way you once wanted to or write a letter acknowledging those emotions and feelings as an adult in a way of comforting the inner child. One of the most encouraged methods in letter writing is to write with your non-dominant hand, highlighting the child-like handwriting and helping your inner child to relate better.

One of the most advised healing techniques for trauma is meditation. Meditation can help one be more self-aware, which includes being more aware of emotions and feelings, which in turn can help in identifying those triggers and patterns of your hurting inner child. Meditation is a great way to sit with the feelings, especially those unwanted feelings, and hence get comfortable to acknowledge them. It is often advised to do these meditations along with trusted people, like family members, friends or partners.

It is important to acknowledge the past and heal your current relationship with it instead of escaping it through unhealthy coping mechanisms, and that is what inner child healing consists of. By cultivating healthier coping mechanisms, self-love and esteem, and compassion, you can step away from those old wounds and enter a life full of possibilities. You are your inner child, and you deserve only the best!

References

Bradshaw, J. (1990). Homecoming. Random House.

Hanh, T. N. (2006). Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child. Parallax Press.

Hestbech, A. M. (2018). Reclaiming the inner child in Cognitive-Behavioral therapy: the complementary model of the personality. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 71(1), 21–27. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.20180008